you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
