listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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