my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
