I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
