Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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