I feel great
I just peed on a car
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
