Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
