yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
