I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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