I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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