Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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