the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
