Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
