Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
