i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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