Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
