Umm I'm too high to move.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
