i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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