Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
