Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
