Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
