yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
