Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
