She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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