he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
