babies were throwing up all over the place
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
wow bdsm is so cute
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