I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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