Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
