dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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