Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
