The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
