my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
