Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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