Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
