He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
