the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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