Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
