I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
