he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
