Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
