My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
