her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
