So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
