It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
