Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
