Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
