Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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