Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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