with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
