He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
