i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
