I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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