He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
