I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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