We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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