My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
