My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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