gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
