the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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