Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need to calm my uterus...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
