1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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