I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
