I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
