today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
