he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
