We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
