I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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